Joey de Leon’s own ‘scandal’

Joey de Leon

Joey de Leon

The doctor is in and out… in and out… – by Joey de Leon

Here’s the complete article from the man himself, starzan minus chita-e.. he he. Have a good laugh!

Nobel prize-winning pharmacologist Robert Furchgott, whose work with the gas nitric oxide helped develop the anti-impotency drug Viagra, died in Seattle at the age of 92. He “furchgott” to breathe? Nope. Basta NANIGAS na lang s’ya!

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And speaking of tigas, ASTIG pa rin sa news hanggang ngayon and people are still talking about the “plight of KAT-HAY” — ooops, sounds like an airline service. No again. This one’s about the “secret service” which, accidentally or by some other reason, became open to public viewing which involved a doctor and a “doctored” celebrity.

The others in this “shooting incident” were not “doctored”, but they were definitely thoroughly checked up physically by the doctor. All the ladies underwent a complete “sexecutive” check up — including a triple X-ray!

Here is one doctor who is always in and out!

Better if we just call it HAY-KAT — at least tunog sapatos lang. KAT-HAY sounds “abattoirish” — parang slaughter. Could it be that for this doctor, slaughter is the best medicine?

But actually, this is how most men call these secret places in their macho lingo — KATAYAN—where they INTER-tain their lady guests — also their BEDquarters (pwede ring HEADquarters pala) or their ORIFICIAL residence! Ngek!

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Here are the basic requirements of a simple but okey lang na Pokpok Arts Theater ( “theater” inasmuch as some of the performances are open to the public): Bed, air-con and refrigerator.

Other needs: Lots of towels, mouthwash, chewing gum and candies and of course, other toiletries.

Not so important things (pwedeng wala): Television and telephone.

This “aircontroversy” (ang dami kasing shots ng air-con sa sex video na pinag-uusapan) cut short the popularity in the news of the Pacman Flu and the alleged Martin Nievera Fluff in singing our National Anthem — the Department of Health’s failure to quarantine Team Pacquiao and the National Historical Institute’s order to quaran-TUNE Martin!

Aling Dionisia’s ballroom dancing was suddenly overshadowed by HAY-KAT dancing — with balls — in a room!

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When asked if they learned a lesson from this recent sex video scandal, a young woman even furnished this writer with the following sure-fire tips for girls in case they encounter a doctor of medi-CINE — now you know why a doctor like Dr. No Pants loves to make movies — the word “medicine” ends with CINE.

One: If you finally decide to have sex with your boyfriend, just be sure you do it with the lights out.

Two: In case you are afraid of the dark, do a “Sadako” like in the horror movie The Ring. Let your hair down all the time. Para hindi kayo masyadong makilala.

And Three: Request your lover to call you by another name.

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Basilio: Bakit ba sa Camara (House of Representatives/Congress) inilalapit ang kasong ito tungkol sa sex videos?

Crispin: Eh kasi, ang pinag-uusapan dito ay KAMA at CAMERA!

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Kat: “Binaboy n’ya ako!”

Foreign Correspondent: Excuse me, please translate that in English.

Kat: “Ah… he SWINED me!”

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The actress-victim’s name speaks and carries the message of what took place in that one-set shooting — HALI-HALILI SILA SA KATRE!

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Doctor Zhivago: Si Doc ba talaga ang nasa video?

Doctor Kildare: KHO MISMO!

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Padre Salvi: Manny Pacman is the Pound for Pound King.

Padre Damaso: Hayden F…man is the Pound NANG Pound King.

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A great deal of those who watched the sex videos of the “Medical Director” find the acts swift and short; medyo bitin daw sila. Doctor Do Little?

* * *

Lap dancing is now outmoded. After the coming out of these HAY-KAT videos, a new dance craze was introduced — LAPTOP DANCING!

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Said one indie movie supporter, “Nawalan ng ingay ang pagbabalik ni Brillante Mendoza, ang nanalong director sa Cannes Film Festival sa France sa pelikulang Kinatay — tinalo kasi ng ingay ng KAT-HAY.”

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Hoy! Tigilan n’yo muna ‘yang mga sex videos. Manuod muna kayo ng Joey’s Quicky, este Quirky pala… World before S.O.P on GMA 7. And Wow, Mali tonight at 6 p.m. on TV5.

May the force be video.

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Can Shane Mosley Beat Manny Pacquiao At 142-Pounds?

by James Slater – The big news, as surely most fans are aware now, was the statement made by Shane Mosley regarding his acceptance of a catch-weight fight with Manny Pacquiao. “Sugar” said he was willing to meet “Pac-Man” at a catch-weight, and that he “knows this is what Freddy Roach (Manny’s trainer, of course) wants.” We now have to wait to find out two things: will the bout take place on October 17th (the date pencilled in for Pacquiao’s next fight), and just how low will Mosley agree to drop down to so as to make the bout a go?

An absolutely sensational and mouth-watering prospect of a fight, Mosley-Pacquiao would see two future Hall of Famers and possibly all-time greats going at it. Both men are coming off sensational stoppage wins – Mosley against the now disgraced Antonio Maragrito back in January, and Pacquiao against Ricky Hatton at the start of this month – and as awesome as both men looked last time out, it will be mighty tough picking a winner when they square off. However, two factors certainly have to be looked at when deciding who will win.

Will Mosley’s age of 37, going on 38 catch up with him in this fight? And will the weight Mosley agrees to come in at seriously compromise his chances? Mosley will be 38 by the time the fight rolls around and all fighters, no matter how great, fall victim to Father Time at some point if they stick around too long. Mosley looked anything but a fighter headed towards the end when he smashed Margarito four months ago; in fact he looked better than ever. But how long can “Sugar” keep looking that sweet after having had a 16-year pro career comprising of over fifty fights? As for the weight thing, Roach has gone on record as saying he does not want Manny fighting above 142-pounds. In accepting a catch-weight fight as he has, does this mean Mosley is willing to drop down to a poundage he has not boxed at since the 1990s?

Mosley, to his eternal credit, has always sought out the best possible competition so as to solidify his status by defeating them. Is it possible that in his over eagerness to once again reign as the pound-for-pound king he will agree to terms that are a danger to his chances of winning? A natural welterweight today, a Mosley who has to go about dropping some five pounds may be a badly drained and weakened fighter. We all saw what happened to Oscar De La Hoya when he fought once again at a weight he had not been required to make in a very long time. The toll on an ageing fighter’s body when he has to shed weight that is not of the excess kind – but is instead muscle tissue – cannot be dismissed.

Then again, it would perhaps be unfair for Pacquiao to be expected to go up to full welterweight. After all, Manny – who has done amazingly well against bigger men already – began his career way down at 107-pounds. We should really be thankful that this dream of a fight is close to being made, and we should be especially thankful to Mosley for agreeing to box at a catch-weight so as to make it happen. You can bet your bottom dollar Floyd Mayweather would not have and will not accept to fight Pacquiao at as low a weight as 142. No way; “Money” pretty much proved that by forcing Juan Manuel Marquez to box up at 147 in their July fight. Mayweather, should he ever fight “Pac-Man,” will make sure he holds all the advantages he can get or else there will be no fight.

This is where Shane Mosley differs; he is willing to fight the best and he is willing to make compromises to do so. Let’s just hope his dropping five pounds doesn’t compromise his fantastic skill level and his fighting strength when and if he boxes the equally superb Manny Pacquiao.